The MLB trade deadline has come and gone, but we’ve still got to make baseball fun this week. And Austin Jackson might think he’s Derek Jeter or something.
It’s the early part of August and baseball is still fun as long as you’re not a Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, Philadelphia Phillies or San Francisco Giants fan because then it’s mostly real bad. The September call-ups are about a month away, so you just need a little Patience. (Whistling is an underrated musical instrument by the way.)
If your team cares about anything, the guy that calls the shots probably traded some dudes for dudes disguised as other dudes. Only one team can crank some Queen at end of the year when you are the champion of the world. However, if you’re a member of a one-man wolfpack, I ain’t gonna try to stop you now from going to Vegas and ending up with the Wrong Doug.
Then again, don’t pull out your own tooth if your team didn’t make a deal to get better. At least you’re not getting tasered by Rob Riggle for “demonstration purposes” for America’s youth. However, America’s youth is doing a good job of trying to make baseball fun again.
Sometimes, you just gotta do a rain dance or fall over a fence to moderately entertain us. Like you can’t share pictures or dumb YouTube videos, like I try to do every week, because we gotta make baseball fun this week. Always.
I’m sorry, Austin Jackson, but are you for real?
I’m never gonna play in Fenway, but I have to imagine that looking at the outfield from home plate must bring out great confusion like that time Derek Zoolander didn’t like his center for ants.
There’s like this giant Hulk thing in left, a right field foul pole you can almost high-five from the batter’s box and a weird triangle in center that even Phil Jackson would have no interest in running.
So Cleveland Indians outfielder Austin Jackson decided to be for real and made all the Boston daughters cry by making this crazy catch. He went all Footloose and Jumpin’ Jack Flash over that lil’ wall into that bullpen area. It was great and even parochial Boston almost applauded that OutKast’s grab. It was so fresh and so clean.
Arizona Diamondbacks and Chicago Cubs bullpens are the best rain delay entertainment ever
Who needs iPads to entertain yourself? Just get the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Chicago Cubs in a rain delay and see what happens. It was one of the best things to have happened in Wrigley Field ever. Like both teams won at the same time. This dance off between bullpens was better than anything the Jabbawockeez ever did.
Scary animals masks to gone fishing to Cool Runnings bathtub bobsled time, mon, yeah, it was all there for sure. When people start to complain that there’s No Rain, this is probably why. They want to feel the rhythm and the rhyme of D’Backs/Cubbies bullpens time! If you kiss you lucky egg, Sanka and you’re not dead yet, mon, then it could happen. Of course, those two teams have to be playing each other, but whatever.
Bartman gets a ring and Chicago probably hates that
Thirteen is an unlucky number. It’s like the walking under ladders and breaking mirrors and black cats of numbers. It’s not a number Jenny would give out. That’s for sure.
For about 8,675,309 hours, Steve Bartman was HATED by his fellow Chicagoans. Moises Alou threw a big stink that one time in 2003 and Bartman became a hook-handed monster like Buster Bluth. His reward was not a free subscription to The Cartoon Network or juice, Bartman got a shiny ring.
It had been 13 years of hell for that guy. A ring is a nice consolation prize for The Whole World of Chicago OutKasting you. It’s not a Cheap Trick, as the Cubbies want him to want this ring. This isn’t the one to rule them all, but it is his precious that he’ll never Surrender unless the Dream Police take it away.
The Battle of Dennis Eckersley and David Price is so petty
Why can’t pitchers get along? Dennis Eckersley said on “Yuck!” on NESN and David Price proved to be the most thin-skinned player in Major League Baseball. Does Price realize Eck is not only on the Baseball Hall of Fame, but was totally on board with Mike Birbiglia trolling that blind guy that one time?
That did happen, or that’s at least what the Birbigs said in his standup set that you probably Netflix and Chilled to at some point in your thrilling life. Eck is not allowed in Price’s clubhouse. Not Brennan vs. Derek bad, but that Hall of Fame speech from Price one day will be pettier than that one Michael Jordan gave and cried during.
Baseball is always fun, but more fun when pitchers from different generations are throwing shade at each other. You don’t have to play nice if you want to play ball.