The minor-league Erie Seawolves are wrapping up their season with the best promotion (everyone agrees) of the year. Alternative facts only.
Minor league baseball teams have the best promotions, everyone agrees. Phenomenal promotions. And the Erie Seawolves, the Detroit Tigers affiliate in the Double-A Eastern League, are taking it to the next level with an entire night dedicated to trolling President Trump and advisor Kellyanne Conway’s claims of “alternative facts” back in January. It will be a very fine, bigly attended event.
The first utterance of “alternative facts” in America came when Conway attempted to defend claims by former White House press secretary Sean Spicer that Trump’s inauguration was the most attended in history. [Narrator: It wasn’t.] In remembrance of this, The Seawolves have made a kind offer to Conway to throw out the alternative first pitch.
Very many fans are already planning to attend the event. (The mainstream media doesn’t want you to know. Sad.) And the Seawolves are promising bigly home runs. The most home runs ever hit in batting practice, in fact. It should not be forgotten that Mexico paid for the yuge wall at UPMC Park. Solar panels are slated to be installed on the outfield wall next year. Believe me.
If you are one of the lucky 1.5 million people able to attend Friday night’s game in Erie, the Seawolves are making sure you don’t go empty handed. The first 1,000 fans in the park will receive a copy of the team’s championship ring from last year’s 142-0 season. [Narrator here again: The Seawolves went 69-72 last year.]
Fans will also receive a mock Hillary Clinton e-mail and one lucky fan gets a basket full of some awful products. You might even call them deplorable.
If you are in the Erie area and plan to go to the game tonight, you had better head over immediately. The streets are already packed and the lines are stretching for blocks and blocks (the fake news doesn’t want you to see it).
Oh, never mind. That’s actually a photo from the 2016 Cleveland Cavaliers NBA championship parade. Ohio sports blogger Chris McNeil has repeatedly fooled right-wing “news” sites with the photo every time Trump holds a rally. Who can say for sure, though.
Politics aside, this is a hilarious event from the Seawolves, and I wish I lived closer. It is not an alternative fact that minor-league baseball teams have the best promotions, and everyone does agree. Very few minor league teams have done better this year than the Seawolves, but the failing New York Times has not covered their success enough. It has been a GREAT HONOR to write this beautiful blog post about the team.