Continuing to prove that it is America’s most wholesome sports league, Major League Baseball announced that Snapple is its new official tea/juice.

Snapple doesn’t pay us a marketing retainer here at FanSided. But in the spirit of creativity and lightly caffeinated cold beverages, we decided to put the ol’ braintrust to work over here and help Snapple think of some clever MLB-inspired names for its teas and juices in honor of its new sponsorship (h/t Big League Stew).

These refreshing beverages may be coming to a ballpark near you this summer — or not. It’s unclear exactly how far Snapple is going to take its new power over summer’s favorite pastime, but the possibilities are endless. It would be a wasted opportunity for Snapple to merely stock its regular, plain flavors in America’s stadiums. Who wants to drink Strawberry Kiwi when you could pop open a bottle of Darryl Strawberry Kiwi?

Without further ado, here are the MLB flavors that would quench Team FanSided’s thirst on a hot summer’s day at the ballpark, written and compiled by senior editor Michelle Bruton. It’s just too bad that Taylor Teagarden missed his opportunity for branded glory. Maybe there’s a partnership opportunity in his future?

 

MLB-Inspired Snapple Flavors

Taylor Tea-garden

Jose Al-tea-ve

J.Tea. Realmuto

Julio Tea-ran

Edgar Mar-tea-nez

Corey Tea-ger

Kyle Tea-ger

Brew-ce Chen

Mike Ma-tea-ny

Shawn Green Tea

Paul Tea-jong

(Br)Ice Tea Harper

Darryl Strawberry Kiwi

Vida Blue Raspberry

Bib Pap-tea, aka David Or-tea-z

Dus-tea Baker

Sonny Earl Grey Tea

Dus-tea Pedroia

Tea Cobb, aka The Georgia Peach

J-Tea Mar-tea-nez

Gerrit Cole-d Brew

Jose Bau-tea-sta

Starling Mar-tea

Carl Yastrzems-tea

 

You’re welcome, Snapple. We here at the FanSided office give you carte blanche to mine our creative juices for your…juices. And we don’t ask for anything in return.

Unrelated, the beverage shelf in our fridge is looking a little sparse lately, and our mouths just got really dry all of a sudden…





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