Nelson Cruz is capable of walking through virtual fan after virtual fan.

Nelson Cruz just made the virtual fan experience at big league ballparks look even dumber.

The 40-year-old designated hitter of the Minnesota Twins may have gotten off to a hot start this season, but he’s quickly realizing Cleveland Indians pitcher Shane Bieber doesn’t pitch for the Chicago White Sox. After being the greatest old dude player in baseball over the weekend, Cruz was perplexed by Bieber on the mound for the Tribe. The Biebs struck out 13 Twins. Oh, Baby!

While Cruz was one of two Twins hitter who didn’t go down swinging or looking on Thursday night, his legend continues to grow by the nanosecond. Either he’s been dead the whole time like Bruce Willis or the virtual fans in the stands at Target Field are ghosts, too. How on earth can you possibly explain what happened here? A glitch? I think not. Are we living in a simulation?

Nelson Cruz walked through those virtual fans like they weren’t even there.

Cruz might still be living the dream of playing baseball professionally firmly into his fifth decade on earth, but those virtual fans have families, allegedly. They were so committed to the game, they were so stoic, it was just so heartbreaking to see this unforgivable thing happen to them. Sadly, the virtual fans were exposed as a bunch of 2-D men and women, living in a 3-D world.

So is Cruz from the fourth dimension as the Master of Time? I mean, yeah, he has to be. How else can be the best hitter on one of the best teams in the American League in the middle of 60-game, coronavirus-shortened MLB season? Every day is becoming weirder than the one before and Cruz is just passing through time, passing through 2-dimensional bodies who wake up and feel nothing.

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Until someone shows him this video, Cruz won’t realize his newfound superpower. Some people wish to fly, while others wish for invisibility. There are those who covet invincibility, while some want to have a superior intellect. Cruz proves to us all not all heroes wear capes. Some carry bats, wear hats and can walk through imitation human beings. How will he take on a cyborg, though?

If we have to fight robots in the not-so-distant future, Cruz is the man to go to bat for all of us.

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